September has been an exceptionally hard month mentally and digging myself out of the dark place I fell into took extraordinary mental agility. It feels like depression is an inevitable part of my battle. It is hard not to get depressed about being sick everyday, being in pain everyday, being in fatigue everyday, not being able to do much everyday, and so on. The weight of my illnesses was pulling me down. I was starting to feel hopeless. After all, I knew that the source of my depression is my illness, but since my illness will be with me until I die, so will my depression ?
My usual tricks of cheering myself up and giving myself pep talks were not working. So I had to dig deep. I am a very visual person so I made myself a “happy board” to remind myself of why I am fighting this battle daily, what keeps me afloat and what makes it all worth it.
Here is what I found out:
1. My family who gives me all the cuddles I need.
2. My time at the shore finding my center.
3. My incredible love for and from my son.
4. My beau and I, when we were hopelessly in love.
5. My love of cooking.
6. My beau and I, working on “in sickness and in health”
7. My family, who stands by me and give me strength.
8. My love of gardening.
9. Precious time spent with friends.
10. Being able to be a mom, even if it’s just packing lunch.
11. Sharing my interests with my son.
12. My love for and from my wonderful “adopted” family.
13. My love of restorative yoga.
14. My love of entertainment!
15. My happiness in being able to connect with support on social media.
16. My hope that I will regain the old me, to some degree, pre-illnesses.
What will be on your happy board?